The Next Steps To Take

The Next Steps To Take

GET METHODICAL! GO THROUGH THIS CHECKLIST AND GATHER AS MUCH INFORMATION AS YOU CAN.  THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO RAID THE CASH COW KNOWN AS THE THIRD PARTY INSURANCE FUND!

The Next Steps To Take

Exchange contact details. Most motorists believe cyclists are gay.  But occasionally motorists are gay too.  Exchange those details.  You never know,  it could result in a hot date!

Get witness details. One of them might be gay too!

Take pictures. Fall into the habit of taking loads of selfies when you ride.  Often,  a vehicle that’s about to hit you from behind will be in the background of your selfie after you swerve out into the main lane due to riding with one hand!

Make a police report. If you’ve been in a collision with another party, no matter how slight it is,  indeed even if you fell off on your own and the police didn’t attend the scene, go and make a statement. But don’t do it straight away, wait a few days to really get your story straight. That’s the version you want to push as your official narrative.  

Get your bike looked at. This is often overlooked as a potential cash cow too.  Best case scenario, there’s nothing wrong with your bike but you can get it inspected by a dodgy bike mechanic who will loosen spokes and make the wheels look totally shit,  make the brake hoods look all wonky,  maybe put in a damaged seat and pronounce the bike a write off. You’ll get an extra $6000 – $8000 and you can straighten the spokes on your original bike and come out way in front!

Get checked out. Unless you are absolutely certain that you’re totally smashed up, get yourself to a GP who specialises in writing up medical reports for motor vehicle accidents.  Be prepared to slip him some bucks of course,  but these guys know how to write up an injuury and make it look 10 times worse than it really is.  

Seek legal advice. Remember,  when you’re making an attempt to milk the Third Party Injury Fund,  you really should be dealing with a law firms that has kicked a LOT of goals in that field in the recent past.  It costs nothing to ask around but these are the experts who know all the tricks!  

I Am A Crumple Zone